Today at work I sat staring at my computer screen thinking…I hate this place.  I hate what I do.  I’m depressed about it, about life, and about money.  I want out.  Ever since I visited the Transgender Suicide Memorial and Transgender Resource Center in Second Life, I’ve had a resurgence of interest in getting back into the trans activism role I’m meant for.  I absolutely am in dire need of a life change.  I just don’t know how to go about doing it, or where to go with my life.

I’ve been thinking about starting up a non-profit. I’ve always dreamed of creating a half way house for runaway trans youth.  I want to start a charity for the disenfranchised trans community, which is a large amount of people.  I want to monitor and criticize the media in regards to gender, and I want to conduct research on gender in society.  I want to speak about gender issues, write a book, and get this documentary finished.  These are all my goals.  I need to point myself in that path.  As much as I love video, I’ve realized lately that I’m a better story teller than I am a shooter, editor, and motion graphic artist.  Sure, I can take a picture and get a good looking shot on video, but it’s not good enough to get me a decent job in this field. Plus, we’re all so drastically underpaid.  Why are artists so devalued? I’ve never understood that.

The other thing is that I’m lonely.  I miss being around friends regularly.  Don’t get me wrong.  I have friends in Milwaukee.  Unfortunately though, many of the closer ones are hermits.  The other ones live far enough away that it’s not convenient to hang out regularly.  And well…I don’t spend a lot of time with my family.  My sisters and I aren’t the closest.  I love them, but we just don’t get along as well as we could.  Maybe I need to move to a place where I feel like I’m closer to friends I see all the time, like Chris, Sarah, Audrey, and all those other wonderful people up in the Chippewa valley.  I don’t want to move back to Eau Claire, despite the lower cost of living.  I would like to move to the Twin Cities.  The last time I was there, I was impressed by the town.  I spent a lot of time there when I went to visit Audrey and when I was dating Lindsey.  I know there’s a larger video community if I did want to get into that.  I also know the state of Minnesota protects transgender rights in employment.  Maybe its the right place for me.  Maybe I’ll be happy with what I do then.  Maybe I’ll get my motivation, energy, and desire to be proactive back.  I haven’t had it in a while.

I do realize I’ll have to find a job as non-profits are hard to get started.  I don’t know where my funding will come from, but it’s a good goal.  What do you think?