Archive for the ‘Goals’ Category

Helping those in need

Tuesday, March 10th, 2009

Well it certainly seems like Tuesdays are my blog update days.  Maybe it has a lot to do with it just being the only day of the week I don’t find myself swamped….wait…no that’s not true.

I’m almost completely over being sick.  I’m at about 93% right now.  All I have left is a little bit of a runny nose and a slight cough.  I think I’ll be back up to 100 % soon.  All things considered…I’m not surprised at all about getting sick.  I’ve been super stressed and I’ve not been getting enough sleep.  I get sick once or twice a year at most.  I guess it was just my time.  At least this time I didn’t get a sinus infection like last year’s nasty cold.  Yuck.

Today wasn’t bad after a string of days that just sucked.  I wish I could tell you why too.  There’s a lot of reasons, and I’m not allowed to talk about them.  Yeah, I’m being serious.  Let’s just say…there are a lot of things I’m not happy with right now and there are a lot of possible things that may change that in the near future.

Anyway, back to today.  I stopped to help out two people today, and it made me feel great.  I was at the grocery store, and a woman was calling for some help.  I looked over as I was walking, and it was a woman in an electric wheelchair.  She needed help getting something.  No one else was paying her any mind, and that really bothered me.  I walked over and helped her.  She was a very nice woman and was very gracious.  Why don’t people stop to help others more often?

Also, I went to check out and swiped my two items at the self check station.  I looked at the price and was like “Gah!!”.  It was several dollars more than it should have been.  I had two items: a pepsi and a donut.  The bill was six dollars for some reason.  Turned out someone had scanned dishsoap and forgot to void it.  So I did.  I went to swipe my card afterwards, and the receipt was already on its way out.  Turns out someone had gone through but didn’t finish their transaction. So instead my two items were on that person’s card.  Most people would walk away claiming a freebie.  I have a conscience.  I told the clerk, and she took care of voiding that transaction.  I rang my stuff up and paid.  I was thanked for my honesty.

That transaction was the last one I’ll get this week.  Payday is Friday, and I am literally flat broke until then.  When I got home from work today, I opened my mail box to find a collections letter in there in regards to my medical bills.  I called the number and had a long conversation with the man on the other end.  They expect me to pay back $700 in five months.  I have literally no room in my budget, and they want me to pay 150 a month or so.  I have no idea how I’ll manage that.  I don’t get it.  So many people hold off on paying medical bills.  I was specifically told to put that last on my list.  Why am I dealing with collections?  How do other people manage when they have bills outstanding for much longer and at much higher rates?  I hate money.

At least there’s some light at the end of the tunnel.  I have some new freelance lined up.  Another editor backed out, and I got the gig instead.  That’s always good for me.  The videos are 3 minute clips for a set of restaurants in the area.  There will be five of them, and they pay $350 each.  Starting this month.  Maybe I will make it through ok. In fact, I may come out with even my furniture paid off!  Who knows.  Maybe in a couple months…I’ll even have some money in savings?!!

I have to do my taxes yet, and I’m not looking forward to it.  I may have to pay.  Due to my sickly financial situation, I never was able to put any of the money I earned through freelance away.  I overpay on my full time job taxes and I can write off a lot of things for my business.  So we’ll see.  There’s also a possibility of a return.  Here’s hoping.  I’m putting money away for taxes this coming year.  That’ll make me less stressed next March.

There’s some potential change coming in my future.  I’ve been thinking about what I want to do in the coming year, and one of the things that has come up recently is grad school.  If things continue, I may have a lot of my debt paid off by the time I could start grad school.  I’ve missed the deadline for applying for this coming fall.  That’s actually ok.  I still have to take the GRE.  I am thinking about two options.  The first is the more likely of the two.  I’m considering the Mass Comm graduate program at the University of Minnesota.  My major would be Mass Comm with an emphasis on communication processes, structures, and effects.  The minor would be in feminist / gender studies.  The second option would be at the Annenberg School for Communication, which is part of USC.  That’s like…the premier of schools for communication, and it’d be difficult to get in…and pay for.  But I might as well try, right?

There’s a position opening up in Chippewa Falls at a dentist office.  It’s not glamorous. It’s a receptionist position.  I know the owner / dentist, and she’s a really awesome person.  She’s a friend of mine and Chris’.  She actually mentioned it to me.  It’ll be opening up in July.  If I apply and get that, I’d move in with Chris.  He’s moving into a house that costs $700 a month to rent.  It’s much bigger than my current place and is cheaper.  We’d be splitting costs.  So bills would be cut down by a significant amount.  I’d go from $760 a month in rent to $350.  Plus, I’d be living with my best friend.  We’ve done that before and we know it works.  So neither of us is worried.

It’s a big move, but at the same time, I think it’s the right one.  I’ll be happier.  The job is much lower stress.  Paying bills will be easier.  And with the lower stress job…I might be able to get more done on goals of mine.  Right now, I work my job and when I come home, I don’t want to go back to work.  So nothing gets done.  If I had a low stress job, things might be different.  So I’m strongly considering it.

My big concern has been freelance and whether I’d keep it.  Honestly, I can’t see why I’d lose work.  I have an ftp site, and most of the work I do has web delivered content.  I’ll probably be down in Milwaukee once a month to meet with people and work on some longer term projects.  It could prove even more lucrative than staying here.  That’s my hope at least.  I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Podcast news…I’m working on an ambitious approach to my next few.  This upcoming one will be about the difference between gender identity and sexual orientation.  I’m going to start shooting this weekend.  I’ll probably shoot some of the middle of it during the week, and hopefully it’ll be online sometime late next week.  I’ll post about it.  The ones after that one will be a three part series.  :D   Aren’t you excited?!! I am.

OK…I have to get up early tomorrow.  I’m leaving work for an early lunch tomorrow to help a friend go to a doctor’s appointment.  I want to get to work earlier to make up for the time.  Hopefully I’ll find some time to post another update before next Tuesday.  Have a good week otherwise. :D

Drag show

Monday, March 2nd, 2009

That’s right. I went to a drag show.  If you’ve read any of the posts from years ago, you may have noticed that I’m not a fan of drag shows.  I’ve often found them to be degrading and insulting to the trans community.  Of course, I was watching drag shows done by college students…specifically the college students at UWEC.  Needless to say those weren’t very good.

The show I saw on Saturday night was performed by a group of professionals that put on these shows regularly.  There wasn’t an offensive aspect of them at all.  For the first time, I was able to see the statement that drag shows were intended to make.  I had a good time.  A few years ago…I don’t think you’d hear me say that.

This show was a little different.  It was a drag king show.  For those of you that don’t know, a drag king is a female identified person that dresses as a male identified person.  As with any drag show, the goal is to make fun of stereotypes while entertaining the viewers.  The performances were fun and I laughed a lot.  I have two friends that are directly involved with the group, and they were also thrilled to see me there.  I believe the statement made when I came in the door was “YOU FINALLY CAME!!!”.  Haha.

I was invited to go to the show by my friend Tracy, of whom is awesome.  She’s nerdtastic like I am.  She knew so many people there.  I’m not very connected to the community here at all.  I felt a little awkward, but turns out I know many of the performers.  I shot the video for the wedding of my two friends that are members.  So I saw a lot of the performers there.  I doubt they’d remember me though.  One or two did, which was nice. :)

After the show, Tracy decided to go to the after party.  So I went with.  I haven’t been out to a bar in ages.  Aside from the usual cloud of smoke, it was fun.  In fact, I ran into a friend there.  Kate, a girl I met on myspace about a year and a half ago, was also there.  Oddly, despite us living near each other and being friends for so long, we’d never actually met in person before.  It was really cool getting to say hi and talk for once.  Turns out we have good in person chemistry.  It’s always the worst when you have a friend from online, and in person you have nothing to say.  She’d like to get coffee sometime.  I’ll take her up on that.  It’d be nice to have another friend to hang out with in the area.

The other random thing that happened…the drag group has a person shooting video of the events with a Sony HDV prosumer grade camera.  It’s a V1U type variety.  I’ve used them before.  I was eyeing it up, and later on I said hi to the camera girl.  We chatted and she gave me her business card.  Later, she was at the after party, and we got to talking.  She seemed really nice.  We chatted a lot about the biz and what kind of work we do.  It was a good conversation, and I think she likes me.  She told me to e-mail or call.  So I will.  Though it’ll be difficult if she is interested.  As I pointed out in an earlier post…I’m not really dating.

I’ve started work on the next podcast.  I set up a more standard format as suggested by my friend Mike.  I think it’ll work very well.  I also have started brainstorming future podcasts. I’m thinking it’ll be fun to start doing series of podcasts on one subject.  Like…do one episode, expand on the concept the next, and complete the issue on the third.  There’s so much to talk about, and it’s hard to pick each one.

Oh I have to write about this since it’s so karmic.  I tend to make myself nice meals on the weekends.  I figure, I have the time, I’m relaxed, and well…I need good food once in a while, right?  So Saturday I set out to make myself some szechuan beef and chicken.  I found a great recipe online and went out and got the few ingredients I needed.  It took me about two hours to prepare with the mincing of the ginger root, garlic, chopping up all the vegetables, slicing up the meat, etc.  It was one of the best meals I’ve ever made though.  I had to have a kleenex box on the table with me because my nose was running due to the spiciness.  Holy crap was it awesome.

Sunday night I decided to make myself a Chicken ranch pizza since I don’t make those often.  I started making the crust dough in my bread machine, and for once, it wasn’t turning out very well.  The recipe was short on water.  That was an omen right there.  I used the dough anyway.  I prepared the pizza like I always do, but this time, it got very overcooked.  What a waste! I ate the food anyway, but it wasn’t the most fantastic thing ever.  What a contrast between Saturday and Sunday!

I’ve been fighting with Scarlet lately.  She’s been being naughty.  I can’t seem to get her to stay out of the couch.  She climbs inside thinking its a play area, and she chews on parts of it.  She’s surrounded by all the mechanicals of the couch too.  So it’s not very safe in there.  She’s not quite associating getting put in the bathroom by herself with what she did yet.  I think I may have to get some animal repellent and put it in the couch on a rag or something.  I need to somehow associate negativity with it.  If you have other suggestions, let me know.

I’ve had a lot of ideas lately for site designs.  I get very frustrated trying to see them into fruition.  My perfectionism holds me back as usual.  I can’t get it to look exactly as I see it in my head, and due to that, I get discouraged.  I’ll press on though.  It’ll just take me longer.  I know what colors I’m going to use for my JessicaJaniuk.com site design.  It’s going to be a much brighter palette than is there now.  I think once I get it done, I’ll feel a lot better.

OK. I better leave it here.  This post is almost as long as “Twitterpated”.  Sorry Adam…it’s still not 1337 words long.  I’m short by a couple hundred.  Maybe next time. :)

Twitterpated

Sunday, February 22nd, 2009

Yes, it’s been a while.  Fair warning…this is a long post.  I took a break after the last podcast.  First things first, I joined twitter. You can follow me using the username janiukjf. I hope you enjoy all my pointless musings during my average day.

In the time since my last post…I got older.  I’m now 28! I feel pretty much the same as I did at 27.  I have to say, it was a nice birthday.  I took an extra day off from work and had a four day weekend for it.  It was very relaxing.  My family also took me out to dinner.  The food was family style Italian, and it was fantastic. I also got a few meaningful gifts.  My sisters gave me a shadowbox picture frame that is really nice.  My parents gave me to gorillapods (bendy and flexy camera tripods).  It was a lot of fun.

I have to be very vague here, but I spent a year and a half working on a project at work, and it’s finally…finally…launched.  It feels really awesome to know I saw the project through to completion.  Though, its easy to say no project is ever complete in my mind.  I also am going to start using something I call the JSI, or Job Satisfaction Index to which I will create an arbitrary color scale to represent my feelings.  Today’s JSI is orange with yellow polkadots.

While I talk about work, let me mention freelance.  The flash project I took on seems to be a bit troublesome.  I think I bit off more than I can chew.  I learn from examples, and I haven’t had anything to launch off of here.  I just don’t know where to start, and since I’m learning actionscript 3 from the beginning, it’s tough.  I decided to work with someone on the project, and from there, I’ll use that code as an example.  I think getting past this project will help me move forward with stuff I’ve been sitting on.  I’ve felt guilty working on other projects while having this on my plate.

Speaking of other freelance, I’ve had several meetings regarding the puppet video, and it’s been almost all non-stop frustration.  It’s hard to get through to the other video person that we can’t work with the footage we have.  So, I’ve written a script and a rundown for a short video showing the differences between analog and digital video and the progression of technology in video.  I’ll post it on here when I’m done with it.  We’re having a meeting in a week to discuss the project.  If we can’t move forward the right way, I’m not sure I want to be involved with it.

Things I do want to be involved in is the arts organization that I’ve been connected with lately.  I’ve been asked to produce a 30 minute film with them. They’re applying for a grant and production would start in June.  It’s not a lot of money, but it would be a lot of fun for me and everyone involved.  I think it’d be a great portfolio piece too.  More on that as it develops.

Jumping back in time a week, Valentine’s day, or as I like to call it, Singles Awareness Day, was a week ago.  I had a party for all my single friends.  It was a huge blast.  I made hand tossed homemade pizza for my guests.  We played Rock Band and Boom Blox until 3:00 am.  In fact, we managed to turn Boom Blox into a dirty game.  I haven’t had fun like that in a long time.  I plan on throwing another event in a couple months probably to a made up holiday.  Maybe it’ll be the blorthog party Chris and I have been thinking about for a long time.

My friend Tracy, who came to the party, had so much fun that she and I decided to plan a weekly gathering.  We’re going to do something like bowling or Rock Band.  Not sure exactly what yet, but no matter what, it’ll be a lot of fun.

Random stuff going on, my friend Adam came over a week ago.  Instead of doing geeky things like Rock Band, we did geeky things like build a TV antenna from plans we found online.  Amazingly…it works! Better than my powered antenna from Radio Shack.  We also started to build a PVC frame for a portable green screen.  I finished it to the plans, and it looks like it’ll work great.  I have a few modications I’d like to make.  I also need the green fabric yet.  Way to be a nerd, me!

Speaking of nerdish things, I’ve gotten back into the video game “Okami” of late.  It’s very much like the Legend of Zelda.  I’ve spent a bit too much time with it lately, but I had some somewhat negative things happen recently.  So as usual for me, it was escapism.

I’ve been kinda sad lately that Conan O’Brien has ended his run on Late Night.  I’m a big fan.  I know he’s going to be on the Tonight Show, but its still sad to see him leave the venue we know and love.  I just watched the final episode today.  It’ll be a couple months until we see him again.  I’ll be interested to see how Jimmy Fallon handles the reins of the show from now on.

Another show that I’ve been watching a lot lately is Exosquad.  If you don’t know the show, it was one of the best American animated series ever made and not seen.  It aired back in the early  90s, and it was more like an anime.  It was episodic and followed a briliant story arc.  They now have it on Hulu and recently added season 2.  I’ve been re-watching it, and it’s actually still as good as I remember.  There was even a moment that brought tears to my eyes.  I recommend it.

Of course, tonight I’m engrossed in a once a year TV production known as the Oscars.  I really like Hugh Jackman as host.  I love seeing the sing and dance routines.  Otherwise, the Oscars are pretty dull this year.  I know they’ve tried to make major changes to bring new audiences and change things up.  I think they need to do something else though.  It seems too much like every other Oscars.  The only thing that is different to me is the switched up order of awards.  We’ll see how viewership is.

Unrelated, but very interesting…my 10 year high school reunion is supposed to be this year.  Since there’s been no official communication about it, someone started a facebook event surrounding it.  So, it should happen at some point this year.  I think it’ll be very interesting.

In that same vein, I got an e-mail today from a friend I haven’t talked to since High School.  He decided to look into old friends and looked me up.  He saw everything out there on the web about what I’ve done in regards to gender and found this blog too.  His message was very complimentary towards all my work and what I’ve done.  It was wonderful to hear that, and I found myself inspired.  I really need to move forward with personal projects to get myself out there more as a gender activist.

This sparked a conversation with my mother about making a career out of this.  She actually thinks its what I should be doing! I have always thought my mom wanted me to do what makes money.  She’s always said things that suggest that.  I think after seeing me speak once back when I was in college, she saw what I can truly do.  It makes me happy to know I have the support of my mother.

That means its time.  TransLife is going to be my non-profit.  Let’s get this thing started!

OK…that’s it for this novel.  WordPress tells me this is 1336 words long.  I don’t think writing books is going to be a problem.  Until next time…

New Camera

Monday, January 19th, 2009

I sold a bunch of DVDs and surprisingly got close to $125 dollars.  It was just the right amount to get me a camera that’s about the size of a flip. :) Here’s some video from it.  Be warned…there’s nerdishness.

Nerdishness in the form of video

Podcasting – Part 2

Monday, January 12th, 2009

The real title of this post should be “Frustrations – a tale of a video podcaster”, because that’s how I feel.  I spent all day on the damn thing.  Took me a while to get the idea for the intro.  Then I had to dig up the footage.  Then I had to cut together some music for a theme.  Then lower thirds, animated background, and credits.  It’s just after midnight, and I’m waiting for the final render. For some reason, it’s taking forever.  I’ll spare the technical details.

At one point during my search for a theme song, I considered writing one in garage band.  I thought it’d be neat to lay down some drum tracks and found info on how to get my rock band drum kit to work with my mac.  That’s actually pretty neat.  Unfortunately I have no brass or strings included with garage band to compose with.  So I gave up.  Who wants a song made up of laser synths and single note acoustic guitar?

Despite getting this thing done, I feel like I’ve gotten nothing accomplished this weekend.  I wanted to spend some time on my resume, work on the website I have to work on, maybe expand on the database structures, look at my book chapters, watch a couple movies…wait I did that last one.

I saw two films this weekend.  I saw Hancock and Tropic Thunder.  Both were decent, Hancock was much better in my opinion.  I’m afraid that watching Tropic Thunder with my parents here really blew the film for me.  I had them over for homemade pizzas and movies.  They enjoyed Hancock, but I get my pickiness about comedies from them.  Usually I find films funny that they don’t, like the Austin Powers movies and Life Aquatic.  However, for me, comedy is strongly influenced by who you watch it with.  If the group I’m with isn’t laughing, I don’t either.  My parents weren’t.  In fact, they decided to go home middle of the movie.  It was late and they had to be up early.  If the movie was good, they’d have stayed and finished.  Oh well.

I finished watching it tonight.  I enjoyed it, but it wasn’t great to me.  I thought the acting was great.  I just felt the humor was lost on me.  I got the satire.  Maybe it’s just the war movie thing.  I dunno.  Maybe I should re-watch it with different people.

Hancock was great, but is anyone surprised I liked it? If it has anything to do with a superhero, I’m all over it.  It was actually a lot better than I thought it’d be.  I very much related to Will Smith’s character, and Charlize Theron is always gorgeous. The sadness in Will Smith’s eyes is something I’ve experienced personally recently.

Anyway, the long and the short of the news, the first edition of the podcast will be posted later today.  Oh and my friend Jessica deserves credit for giving me the idea for the next one.  Hopefully that one will go smoother.

Spark rekindled

Wednesday, January 7th, 2009

I had a revelation tonight! It has changed me.  It started earlier today.  I checked my mailbox and the priority mail envelope from the debt agency was there.  All the paperwork has been filled out and is back in the mail ready to be returned.  After that I decided to watch the Matrix.

No…I don’t feel the world is a computer program.  Sometimes I feel as if it is holographic, but right now, I feel like it is what I make of it.  After the movie was over, I was thinking about how I am going to repay my debt because I made it happen.  I, of course, haven’t repaid it yet, but I am on my way to making it happen.  I realized that I created that reality.  I am a powerful being.

I guess I am starting to see the power of the law of attraction.  We really do bring to ourselves what we visualize in our heads.  We are like gods, all of us.  We create our own world.  We can make anything happen.  It’s not a matter of visualizing or wishing for it.  All we have to do is know it in our hearts, and its true.  With that knowledge, we can move mountains.  I have no doubt of that.

My optimism has returned.  My creative drive has returned.  And greatest of all, my motivation to make a difference is back.  It’s time to get shit done.  2009 is a great year.  I just posted a new front page notice at translife.net about creating a brand new design for the backbone of the site.  I’m looking for volunteers.  So hopefully I’ll get plenty of suggestions and offers for assistance.  It’s high time I did something with the site.

It’s time to make the gender revolution happen!

If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it

Tuesday, January 6th, 2009

No…I’m not bitching about my breakup.  I just have the song stuck in my head.  It’s been there for at least a week now.  I even dropped the three dollars for both the mp3 download and the video on iTunes.  I can’t help it.  It’s a sexy video and a catchy song.  I find it incredibly impressive that those women can move like that.  I look like a dufus any time I try to dance, and no, there will be no video posting of that.

The news of the week is that I finally got called by the debt consolidation people.  I’ve been enrolled and start my payments on the 25th.  I’m just wainting for the paperwork to arrive via priority mail.  So…in 5 years I will be debt free.  That’s a great feeling.  It’s looking like the plan will save me 110 dollars a month, but we’ll have to see for sure when all is said and done.

I also got my designs done for one of my clients.  That’s been sent off and now I’m just waiting to hear back on the choice.  Then I can get started on the flash parts of it.  I’m actually kind of excited about it because it involves more learning.  I truly enjoy it.

Speaking of the web, after spending more time with my budget, I decided to start working on software for budget and money tracking online.  I don’t want to pay for Quicken anymore.  Mint seems to have its downfalls, and I know from the past that when I design something, I really learn a lot.  I will learn how to budget better than any book.

I think I’m going to put together a database schema for translife too.  I think I might as well create my own social network site.  This will be fun / a lot of work.  Speaking of a lot of work, I haven’t decided whether I should move my list of chapters for my book onto this blog, google docs, or just keep it on the pad I have it on.  I might get tempted to work on it at work.  I probably shouldn’t do that.

Oh, and I was informed of a few jobs that I am planning on applying for.  That’s Tuesday night’s goal.  I’m going to attempt to keep myself busy every night until the weekend so I can relax then. Who knows though. Maybe I’ll spend the weekend working on a new demo reel.  We’ll see.

I’ll post more about my recently developed workaholism soon.  Happy January.

Horoscope

Saturday, January 3rd, 2009

Today I was on Yahoo and saw a headline about checking your 2009 horoscope.  I’m not one of those people that lives by horoscopes and abides by their every word, but I am a big proponent of quantum mechanics and intention.  So, I sometimes look when I feel like I need a message of some sort. Anyway, here’s what the horoscope said for my sign:

Aquarius Outlook for 2009

Aquarius

1/20 – 2/18

Year 2009 Overview

Aquarius is all about a new vision in 2009, and working to move our planet toward the highest and healthiest quality of life. You are highly energized with this wonderful alignment, and your inspiration is rekindled to move energy in grandiose ways. You are able to utilize these high frequencies in order to create new structure and value in people’s lives.

This is no time to sit back and let anything slip through your fingers. Express yourself and move forward with your visionary ideas. As you forge ahead, you find a reworking of meaning on a deep level, and discover possibilities as you connect with your highest star.

Your ideas have always been ahead of the times, and now you are a shining example of what the Earth force can assimilate into everyday living. You realize that the world was created with structure, and outdated modes of living that no longer serve mankind are being recognized around the world. It’s time to let go of anything that holds you back. New thinking is on the horizon, and people are ready to align with the quickly changing energies of the planets. Your leadership skills will help humanity make these shifts, and you will feel supported by those who understand the need to create peace and harmony.

Be inventive in channeling your dreams into reality. As you find a place to manifest this energy, it will become easy for you to usher in a better world. The time to realize your highest ideals is here!

Considering what’s been going on in my head lately, I felt that this was an encouraging sign.  I guess that means I’ll be pushing forward with my book. :)

Happy New Year!

Thursday, January 1st, 2009

My 10 New Years Resolutions:

  1. To be in a stable and secure financial situation by year end 2009
  2. Write my book
  3. Get TransLife.net, JessicaJaniuk.com, and TranscendingProductions.com all designed and updated
  4. Get at least 6 paying speaking gigs
  5. Find a new, fulfilling, and prosperous career path
  6. Get my treatment written for my documentary
  7. Apply for several women in business grants for camera equipment and software
  8. Be a more active person in both my professional and personal life
  9. Read more
  10. Be Happy

I know…they’re more life goals than resolutions, but I think they’re healthy and acheivable. Maybe I’ll check in with these monthly to see where I am.

Happy New Year!! Peace on Earth and good will toward all people.