06.26.09
Posted in Employment, Freelance, cats, dreams at 12:11 am by janiukjf
I’ve had a crazy busy week. As I mentioned in the last post, my sister had her baby. So, the end of last week culminated in me heading back to Milwaukee to visit my nephew. Saturday I headed down, and Sunday I headed back up. Upon returning, I had a major freelance project to do.
The project was a tough one. It wasn’t really the nature of the project that was tough, but more the time frame it had to be done in. I had all the materials I needed, but I had to digitize, edit, and render everything within an evening. The following day, I was woken up by a phone call with fixes that had to be done right away. So, for two days, I was working pretty solidly on one project. The time crunch made it feel like I was writing a paper for a class the day it was due. Plus, never fails…when you’re under pressure, that’s when weird errors start happening that have never happened before. I got Final Cut Pro’s “general error”, “out of memory” error, and had to enter the product serial number something like 3 times. At one point, the firewire port just stopped working too. I got it all done on time though. Nothing like an adventure to keep life interesting!
On a completely unrelated note, we’re having a kitty problem in the house. Specifically, we’re having a kitty pee problem. Chris wouldn’t want me to blame Serenity, but let’s face it, it’s Serenity. She’s had a history of peeing in places other than the cat box, and she’s the only one with that history in the house. Anyway, she has been peeing on the concrete floor underneath the basement stairs. Originally there were some small piles of sawdust down there, and she peed on one of them. It took us a while before we realized that the smell was coming from there. We just thought that the cat boxes were rank. Nope! Cat boxes changed…still a nasty smell. Chris discovered it and did a very good job of cleaning it up. He has an enzyme spray that neutralizes the scent.
Unfortunately though, Serenity seems to want to pee in that area. It’s happened twice more since then. We’re trying some new techniques. For example, today I sprayed the cat and kitten repellent around the area. We’ll see if that works. If you have other suggestions, fire away in the comments.
I had a job interview this week. It went well, and I’m very excited about it. I have a second interview this coming week. I don’t want to jinx anything. So I’ll leave it at that. Wish me luck.
I’ve been looking in to starting a new hobby. Most of my hobbies surround technology, and I’ve decided that I want to learn something that doesn’t deal with tech at all. I figure it’d be nice to do something by hand. Working with metal is intriguing to me. So I’ve started doing research into metal working and blacksmithing. I know…hard to picture a girl like me doing something like that, but I think it’d be fun. Plus, it’s a great way to create interesting items, like jewelry, artwork, and so on. Maybe eventually I could make complex items, like armor or a replica of some historical object. Today Chris and I went to a local hardware store and looked at prices on tools for it. It’ll be a little expensive at the beginning, but not terrible. Hammers, torches, safety equipment, and of course, metal. I’m going to do a lot of reading on it first, so I don’t make an ass of myself. Well, I suppose that could still happen even with the reading…;)
There’s no segway into this, but I’ve been having a problem for a week and a half now. My left ear is slightly plugged. My car has no air conditioning anymore. So I have had to drive with the windows down any time I drive. I woke up the morning after I drove back to Chippewa from Milwaukee, and my left ear was totally plugged up. I’m really thinking the pressure difference from the window and the four hour freeway drive did something to it.
Since then, I’ve tried a number of remedies. I’ve swabbed (a lot), tried an ear wax removal kit, candled my ear, tried sudafed at the recommendation of the pharmacist, tried a prescription nasal spray for wax removal, and now I’m trying Mucinex at the recommendation of another pharmacist. I’ve definitely cleared out the wax build up that was there now, but the blockage remains. I’m pretty sure it’s behind the ear drum. So, I’m still stuck with a left ear that sounds like I’m hearing in a tunnel. It’s really getting annoying. I’m hoping all this effort starts to have an effect soon. The one thing I’m going to try yet is flushing with hot water and peroxide. Here’s hoping!
Early on Thursday morning I had to meet up with the client I was doing the stressful video for just to give them the final. That meant getting up before 7 am and driving into town. I sat through a heavy rainstorm with lightning striking all around where I was. When I got back home, I went back to sleep since I hadn’t gotten much good sleep the few days prior. It was a good move.
During that extra few hours of sleep, I had some of the best dreams I have had in a long time. That’s right, I was Wonder Woman. It was a very long and involved dream with me starting in jail…why, I don’t know. Still, I managed to escape somehow. I saved the life of the President, and suddenly I was forgiven for whatever I had been in jail for. People were applauding me like crazy. I remember I looked damn good in the costume too. I know why I took notice of that. On Wednesday, I tried on my speedo swim suit. I hadn’t worn it in ages, and I just wanted to see how well it fit me. Turns out it fits me very well. I looked damn good in it. So that translated to me looking damn good in the Wonder Woman costume.
Anyway, I could fly of course, and I remember getting a lot of press attention in the dream. There was also a point in which Superman appeared. We fought a battle against some evil robot together. It was a very fulfilling dream. I hope I have more like it, and soon.
Lastly, I just want to leave with a mention of Michael Jackson. I was a huge fan of Michael Jackson back in my early grade school days. I had the “Bad” album, as well as “Thriller”. I was all about the music videos and I even had the Moonwalker movie on VHS. Looking back on it, it was a ridiculous film, but I loved it then. I know MJ ran into problems and was obviously not your average individual. Still, I will always remember the music I grew up with that I loved so much. Thanks Michael for the memories. Rest in Peace.
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06.17.09
Posted in Employment, Freelance, family at 11:47 pm by janiukjf
The news of the day is that my family is one member larger today. At 2:00 am on Wednesday morning, Elden Vincent was born into the world. Everything went very smoothly. Both my sister and the baby are doing well. Congratulations Melissa!!
Figures! I drive all the way back up to Chippewa yesterday. If I had just stayed one more day…I would have been able to be there to share the joy with the rest of the family. My sister is so inconsiderate in her labor planning! Haha! In all seriousness though, I’ll be heading back down this weekend to congratulate her in person and share in the joy.
That joy is unfortunately partnered with some other news I got this week. Monday, while I was logging footage at my parents house, I overheard her phone conversation with my sister. I am going to be intentionally vague because I don’t know if my mother wants this getting out. Let’s just say, I heard some bad news about my mom and her doctor visit. It has me very concerned. I’ll leave it at that.
Now…on to the interesting news of late. I was the official videographer for Milwaukee’s Pridefest. It’s the largest gay music festival in the world. It’s also one of the largest Pride celebrations in the world. It’s the largest in the United States for certain. There were over 30,000 people there over the course of 3 days.
This opportunity literally dropped in my lap. I knew two people that happen to be on the Pridefest board. Both of them dropped my name when someone suggested videography. So I was the only person ever considered for the job. Unfortunately it wasn’t a paying gig. It was all volunteer. That being said, they covered everything else. The camera rental, the food, parking, tickets, and really anything else I’d need were all paid for.
I have to say, it was a blast. I made a ton of new friends. I shot 8 hours of footage while I was there. I got some of the best footage I’ve ever shot in my life too. Not only did I get awesome footage, I got it of big stars, like Cyndi Lauper, Brandy, and Etta James. This volunteer opportunity really raised my video profile. Because of the type of footage I shot and access I had, I can now charge people more for the work I do for them.
One of the things that was kind of disappointing about the weekend…I was only asked for my number once. I also have not been called by the girl that I gave it to. I must just look too straight. Curse the queer expectations. If that was the only disappointment though, I’m ok with that. On the other side of things, I was told that everyone was blown away by my skill and talent with a camera. I guess they are very excited to utilize my talents. It will be a big boon to Pridefest.
Some people refer to Pridefest as “Ex-Fest” since everyone sees former lovers or partners there. I only ran into one…my ex Tracy. I said hi, stopped, and had a nice, though brief, conversation. I got to meet her current girlfriend, who is very pretty, and a few of her other friends. It was nice to see her. At the time I was setting up for the Cyndi Lauper performance. So I didn’t have a lot of time. I didn’t see Jenn there, which I’m actually a bit grateful for. I’m not sure how that would have made me feel. Might have taken away from the weekend.
I had a fantastic experience running into someone I hadn’t seen in a long time. Brendan, the manager of the Wal-Mart that I used to work at, was a volunteer for the children’s area. He was just as surprised to see me as I was to see him. He gave me a big hug, and we caught up on what’s going on. I told him thank you and shared with him that I tell my story a lot and talk about that one manager that was great to me. It was so good to see him again.
One of the other things that happened this weekend that was unexpected…my parents came to Pridefest! They’d never been to a pride event before, and this was the perfect opportunity for them. I was able to get them in free, give them free food, and walk around with them for a couple hours. My mom said to me that she and my dad had a great time. In fact, my parents both commented on how it was better than Summerfest. Summerfest is so jam packed with people, and you can barely breathe. I think they may come back in the future.
Pridefest was exhausting. I rarely got enough sleep. I was constantly working, and I was on my feet almost the entire time. I wouldn’t have passed it up for anything though. It was amazing. So many great people brought together. I finally had that feeling that I was needed, was making a difference, and was appreciated. That shouldn’t be, but is, so rare.
This weekend was just what I needed. My drive to be my own boss and do this freelance / business thing is totally restored. I have my meeting with the small business resource center Thursday, and I think I’ll come out of it feeling much more confident about my direction. I love shooting video. I want to continue it as a primary focus.
So, tomorrow before this meeting, I will be revising my business plan significantly. I know what I need now, which is good. I can easily reduce my equipment list to just a few things. I think I can easily tailor this plan to be very targeted, and very plausible.
I’ve almost kicked the exhaustion. Last night was the first good night sleep I got since last week. I don’t feel like I’m dragging my feet anymore. I feel like I have a spring in my step. In fact, I’d say I’m in much better spirits than I was a week ago. So that’s great.
Even with all that, I did finally find out when my unemployment hearing is (July 8th) and also found out that one of the jobs I applied for is not hiring. So to sum up…some great things…some not great things…it’s been a bittersweet week. I’m feeling the energy of the world swinging my way though. I think things are on the up side for now. 
Here’s hoping it stays that way.
Oh…and Chris bought the Ghostbuster’s video game today. It’s way fun. I recommend it.
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06.11.09
Posted in depression, friends, unemployment at 3:33 pm by janiukjf
I’m sitting currently in a coffee shop in Wauwatosa, Wisconsin taking some time to sit, think, and contemplate where things are going next in my life. With the unemployment up in the air, and really an uncertainty as to what I’m going to do in the coming months, I’ve found myself at a crossroads. There’s a lot of possibilities and I really have to address those head on.
First I want to address the title of this post. I’ve had major up days and major down days lately. Since getting the hearing notice, it’s been more down days, and more extreme lows for me than up days. Yesterday was probably the worst of the down days. I think the lack of sleep combined with the stress I’ve been feeling lately has just exacerbated the whole situation.
It’s a little scary to be honest. I can easily say that I’ve not felt this depressed since prior to transition. I could feel the weight of depression on my body. I felt numb the whole day aside from when I first got on the road to drive to Milwaukee. That’s when my unhappiness burst out of me. I was crying so hard…like I haven’t cried in a long while. I found myself speaking the words “This isn’t my life” and “why is this happening” almost as if it was unvoluntary.
I think the thing that scared me the most was that I was thinking about things that were not pleasant. I wasn’t thinking about actually committing suicide, but I pondered if things would get that bad that I would think about it. Even that scared me. I don’t want to be even be pondering even the possibility.
The good news in all of this is that I know how to cope with these feelings. For all of you that are concerned about me, please know that I WILL push through this. I appreciate all of the support you all have given so far. I have to give a special shout out to Adam and Chris. Both of them are always there to listen. They are true heroes in my book. Thanks guys!
It’s time to switch to positive topics. I had a video shoot yesterday that, despite my mood, went swimmingly. I was worried the quality would be sacrificed because of my mindset, but thankfully, the shoot kept me distracted. I had a good time. I love shooting. I also had an edit to finish, and I was able to do that as well. I got kudos from the producer involved as being able to really turn the lemon video that was shot by someone else into lemonade. She really liked it.
I ran into an old friend on Tuesday. I was on my alma mater campus at UW Eau Claire, and while I was walking around…Dale Larson appeared. I will admit that in the past, Dale has been the butt of jokes. On top of that, even in my blog in the past, I’ve voiced some mean opinions about him. I have to say…all of those things have been mean and immature. Dale, I truly apologize.
Anyway, running into Dale was a wonderful experience. We chatted about life post college and our frustrations in the corporate world. We have a lot in common with our working experiences. He’s had experiences that have totally put him off to the corporate world. Plus, he’s very passionate about LGBT issues and really wants to do work that deals directly with the LGBT community. Neither of us really knows how to make that a career.
Dale is back in school since he had no luck with a Bachelors. When I told him about my desires and my interest in possibly returning to school myself, he actually made a really interesting suggestion. He suggested I consider UW Stout as a school since they are trying to be more of a polytechnical school that’s a four year college. They’re very near to Chippewa where I live, and they have a lot of cool programs. When he said that, I was like…wow…that’s true. I really should consider that.
I took a look at their program list and found one that’s all about computer game programming and design. It’d be another four years in school with more debt and what not, but it would open doors that were closed before. All things considered, it could actually be very beneficial for me. I could commute and possibly find a part time job that’s decent instead of a full time job. Or I could work on my own business. I’d love to hear your thoughts on that idea.
Speaking of the business, I have set up an appointment with the University’s small business development center to discuss the business prospects I may have. I figure there are plenty of opportunities to turn my talents into a career that makes money. I just don’t know how. This is a free service, and it’ll be great to actually get some professional help with this whole business thing since I have so little experience with it myself.
I think one of the things that triggered me going to that office is the unemployment class I had to go to Tuesday morning. I got singled out by the state as someone that might need the class. So as a requirement, I had to go. Really though, it was a waste of time. The only information I got out of it that I didn’t already know was a list of job websites in the area. Unfortunately I had to go to the class or lose my unemployment benefits…which of course I still may lose. At least the whole thing got me to set up an appointment though.
Speaking of unemployment (I seem to have the segways down today), I’ve had little confidence lately on whether I’d win the hearing or not. Yesterday I was certain I’d lose. Today, after talking to my father and showing him the hearing documents, he feels I have a pretty good chance of winning. So today my spirits are up.
Chris thinks that having all this time before the hearing is a good thing. It allows me to fully think through what I might do afterwards in either result. I know the worst case, and I know the best case. I think that by the time the hearing happens, I’ll know what I’m going to do regardless of the outcome. I think by then, I’ll be resolved and confident.
In the worst case scenario, I’ll have to file bankruptcy. A part of me craves the relief that would bring. I’d likely lose my cell phone and most of my electronic trinkets, but I think there’s a bit of a comfort in a clean slate. Sure, it’s on my credit report for 10 years, but I won’t owe anyone anything. I can go into my future with a healthier financial approach. Of course, in the best case, I can live until I get my next job safely and will be able to get by just fine too. In the end, it will work out just fine. Things always do.
Tonight, I have been invited to dinner with my good friend Mike and his girlfriend. It’ll be good to see him again and to talk about life and so forth. There are quite a few people I miss in Milwaukee, and he is one of them. I’ll get to see a few of those people this weekend at Pridefest. I’ve already got the camera and am excited to get going. I think I’m going to buy some shoes tonight so my feet don’t hurt like hell by Monday. I’ll be taking some photos and will do my best to post a few of them next week.
Well, I’ve finished my dark chocolate Mocha, and now I’m just loitering in this coffee shop. I better sign off for now. Catch ya’ll soon.
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06.07.09
Posted in Employment, Transgender, Web Design, depression at 12:40 am by janiukjf
Sometimes I feel just like that old song “Born under a Bad Sign” by Albert King. It certainly seems like if it weren’t for bad luck, I wouldn’t have no luck at all. Suffice to say, I got some bad news recently. It came in the form of a notice that my former employer has appealed the decision made by the unemployment office.
So, life went from possible upward outlook and a little bit of hope to me freaking out. I did a little bit of research and made a few calls to find out that there is a possibility that in the situation that the ruling is overturned and that my elligibility is revoked, I may have to repay the money I’ve received from unemployment which leaves me destitute. I will be completely broke and have no life line at all.
After I heard about that, I suddenly was uncertain as what to do. Do I live my life as usual, paying bills, buying food, and so forth? Or do I stop spending money in the case that I have to repay it all? I came to the conclusion today that I really have no choice. I have to pay my bills and buy food. I won’t be spending frivolously, but I have to cover expenses. I will deal with the money issue if the hearing results in a worst case scenario.
So, what has all of this done to me? Oh boy, well…I’m not doing so well. I was getting better from this cold, but I think I’ve gone a little bit backwards since getting the notice. My sleep is not so great. I’ve been having terrible dreams. My complexion has taken a turn. I’m breaking out. I’m preoccupied with thoughts about what could possibly happen mixed with anger towards my former employer. Just for once it’d be nice to have them treat me with the slightest bit of decency and respect as a human being. Really I just want to move on and forget about them. Unfortunately for the next three to four weeks, I have to be stressed and worried.
The interesting thing is that the packet of information that I received from the hearing office has totally the wrong information about my termination. It says I failed a background check and was let go last October. Someone at my former employer has some wrong records. Maybe with that, the case will get resolved quickly. The way things have gone so far though…I’m not so hopeful. Wouldn’t it be nice if things just swung my way for once though? Keep me in your thoughts and prayers if you would. I would very much appreciate it.
As a result of all of this, I’ve been a lot more active in pursuing full time employment. I’ve gotten my resume out there to a few places and am hopeful that I’ll hear back.
Another thing that this has been a catalyst for has been to help me understand the level of depression I’m going through right now. I never really paid much attention to my depression throughout my life, but it has really always been there. I’ve realized that I’m chronically depressed. It’s just been at certain points that I’ve been able to cope with that depression better than others. College was probably the height of that ability to cope. I’d say that came with the euphoria and excitement of transition.
My friend Leah and I were talking the other day about transition and depression. I frequently get from many people, trans identified or otherwise, that I’ve “already gone through the most difficult part of my life by transitioning and must be insanely happy now.” Unfortunately this is a huge misunderstanding of what transition is and does for a person.
Transition is great, but transitioning does not immediately bring happiness along with it. There is a certain euphoria, as I mentioned, that comes along with the excitement of the journey. Once you’ve gotten through most of that journey, the euphoria wears off. It’s just not so exciting anymore. Life becomes just as monotonous as it was. The difference is that the turmoil that was experienced before transition from inside is no longer there. To put it simply…simply existing inside my own skin didn’t royally suck anymore. That doesn’t mean that I was eternally happy then. As Leah put it: Transitioning doesn’t make someone happy. It enables a person to be happy.
That means simply this. Life without transition will suck no matter what. Life with transition has the potential to not suck. The difference…you don’t hate yourself anymore. If your external life, like your job, your family life, your financial life, your love life, your social life, or any combination thereof sucks…life still has a very big potential to stink. Right now for me…outside of being happy with myself, life is pretty much down the tubes. So, until things turn around…no…I’m not insanely happy. I’m actually pretty seriously depressed.
I’ve been thinking about how to classify this in my book. I think I’ve entered the third chapter of my story. Chapter 1 was the journey up to transition. Chapter 2 was transition, college, and a short time thereafter. Chapter 3 is what I’ve started calling “the Reckoning”, like when you’re playing the game of life and have to stop at the day of reckoning. That’s where I am. Everything from stability, money, love, and even my emotional state, has been taken from me.
I’ve had the classic signs of depression. I’m keeping late hours. I don’t like getting up in the morning because I’d much prefer dream land. When I am awake, I want to avoid facing the real issues. I have no motivation to take on projects. I feel kind of numb. I just want to escape all the time into a world where none of the mundane life issues exist. It’s been hard. I wish I could afford a therapist, because I think I could really use one.
With that in mind, the website updates are going slowly. I have been taking them a day at a time. I have content on Transcending Productions site now, and today I fixed some of the layout issues. Yesterday I got the ajax calls to work like I wanted. Tomorrow I’m going to adapt the calls to see if I can add cross fade effects. I want to have a “what we do” page up too. I spend an hour here and an hour there on it. Slowly it’ll get finished. That’s how I have to take things right now though.
Speaking of web stuff, I went to the Chippewa Valley Ruby on Rails group on Thursday. No surprise that I was the only girl there. My former colleague, Brian, was showing me the ropes with a few technologies including Ruby on Rails, Cucumber, haml, Staticmatic, and some others. I have to say, seeing what he can do makes me feel very humbled. He’s incredibly gifted with programming. I mean…he writes books on these things that get published and so forth. So I hope I can learn a fraction of what he knows.
Today Chris and I finished the Avatar animated series. It was a fantastic finale to an incredible series. I loved every minute of that show…if you couldn’t tell from the frequent comments on it. I will spare the rambling statements of praise other than to say…awesome. I will miss the characters. It’s like saying goodbye to close friends. Thank you Nickelodeon for a great show!
Last night, Chris made a huge effort to get me out of my depressed funk by taking me out. We met up with Chris(tine), our dentist friend, Jessie, Lot, and Josh to eat at TGI Fridays. We had fantastic food and even got free desserts! Afterwards we went bowling. It was what they call “Thunder Bowling”, which most people would identify as midnight bowling. They do that whole special colored pin thing where if it’s the head pin and you bowl a strike, you get to spin a prize wheel.
The first game was ok. I bowled a 145. The second game was much more exciting. Chris bowled a 52 for the first game…one of his worst ever. His second game was incredible. He started off with two strikes and a spare. I started off with a split that I…get this…coverted! I’ve never done that before! Chris and I were in decent competition until I pulled away towards the end. I ended up with a 163. Chris was in the 150s. It was one of his best!
The best part happened when Thunder Bowling was just about over. When the five minute mark hit, we were told that any strike would allow us a spin at the wheel. Immediately Chris bowled a strike and went to spin the wheel. He was disappointed when he landed on the Joker instead of the ones that had actual dollar amounts. Then he was shocked to find out that it means he won the jackpot $100 prize! I followed that up with another strike and unfortunately I only won $2, but it was $2 more than I had. I’m not complaining. At the end of the night, Chris and I actually made money going out to eat and bowling than if we had stayed home. How awesome is that?
Anyway, it’s past 1:30 in the morning, and I’m starting to feel the sleep set in. Thank you all for sticking with these long posts. I know I get long winded, and frequently. I really appreciate your readership. Sweet dreams everyone!
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06.02.09
Posted in cats, sick at 10:26 pm by janiukjf
Today was terrible. Last night, I took a half of a dose of nyquil to help get some sleep. It worked and I slept like a rock. When I got up, I was groggy and also was really stuffed up. So I took a 12 hour decongestant. From that, I ended up having that weird low energy but awake feeling all day. I felt like my body wanted to sleep, but my brain was wide awake. I hate medicine head. Because of that, I didn’t really get anything accomplished today save touching up some photos.
Chris and I went to the store to get some DVD-Rs and a few other things. We went to get some cat food, and he was looking at the usual Purina Cat Chow that he always gets. I was looking at the Iams and the Purina One stuff. I’ve been buying Iams for a while. I looked at the ingredients list of all the foods and went with the Purina One stuff. It was 20 bucks for a 16 pound bag instead of 11 dollars for the cat chow. Chris was not pleased.
We ended up having a discussion about the food and how I felt it was important to buy better food since it’s about healthy happy cats. For Chris, it’s always been about pinching the penny, which I understand. I justify it this way…I’ve easily spent 20 bucks on one meal for myself. Eating well…6 or 7 human meals might fit into 20 bucks. Most people would fit four meals into 20 bucks or less. 20 bucks feeds our cats for 3 to 4 weeks. I think that’s ok to spend that much. Plus…the extra ten bucks a month isn’t a budget breaker. That’s my side of the story.
So, I decided to do some research. I found this great website on ten reasons not to buy cheap cat food. Later on, I shared the article with Chris, and we had more of a discussion. Chris was really upset to hear that ash is a common filler in cat food. That really bothered both of us. So I started looking for cost effective cat foods. I found a couple websites that have good information.
After reading those, I felt like an ass. Turns out the food I’ve been buying isn’t much better than the cheaper food that Chris has been buying. In fact, the cheapest good food out there is Chicken Soup for the Cat Lover’s Soul…which runs at $25 for a 15 pound bag. That’s over Chris and my price limit by 5 bucks. You’d be hard pressed to find any middle of the road cat food at a reasonable price. Most of the foods rated even above a 0 overall were in the 30 to 40 dollar range for a 15 pound bag. It’s really shocking to see that.
So, we’re going to talk to a vet or two to find a solution to this problem. I think now that Chris is aware of it, he’s concerned about it too. I think we’ll come up with a compromise…we always do.
It’s past 11:00 and I’m feeling tired. I’m not usually tired this early. So I think I’ll take advantage of it and get to sleep. Otherwise I’m going to have to go find some food. I’ve been eating all day! I’ve never been this hungry when I’ve been sick. Weird! Sweet dreams all.
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05.31.09
Posted in Love, Uncategorized, Web Design, dreams, sick at 11:23 pm by janiukjf
Dream
Last night I had a dream. That’s not a huge surprise since I dream regularly and remember most of them. This dream was special though. If you possibly missed the title of this post, it was about a wedding…my wedding.
It didn’t start that way though. You know how dreams change shape as the dream progresses? This definitely did that. At first, I was just going to a wedding. Then, apparently I was a bridesmaid in the wedding. I ran into my old coworkers from my previous job. Not sure why they were there, but they were. Then all of a sudden…it became my wedding. I was one of the two brides. Get this…it was an arranged marriage too. I had never met the other girl. An arranged lesbian marriage…crazy huh?
My bride was a pretty girl. She had kind of a sandy blonde or light brown hair. It was shorter, like a pixie cut. She was around 5′6″. I remember having good conversations with her and feeling like I really connected with her. It wasn’t like that at first, but over time, I really fell in love with her. I very much remember that feeling of love in my dream because it was pretty strong. A lot of strange things happened in the dream, like a train of some sort. I remember a UFO…weird random dream stuff. She was still constant though. When the dream was over, I was a little sad.
I may have made a decision to not date again, but that dream really made me long for love like that. I think perhaps some day…my princess will show up. I’m not really in a location now that makes finding my true love easy, but that’s ok. Maybe she’ll just appear at some point. I’m ok with that. Good things come to those who wait I guess.
Sick
Chris got sick last weekend. It was a bit of a cold or flu. Not sure. For him it included nasty headaches, a fever, a sore throat, vomiting, and mucus. I knew with him getting it, I’d likely get it too. Sure enough, but Wednesday, I had a sore throat too. It’s been odd though. I had a light sore throat. It lasted about a day and a half. It was never terrible. I’ve not had a fever. I’ve never actually felt sick. My energy level has been normal all week. I’ve had a little bit more coughing and sneezing, but it’s not been that bad at all. Today I dealt with a runny nose. I’ve had no stuffiness problems, and I’ve never felt out of it. So far, this is the best cold I’ve ever had. I wish being sick was this light every time. Still, I hope it goes away soon.
Avatar: the Last Airbender
I know…I know…I’m being a geek talking about an animated series. Still, Chris and I are big fans. We’re watching the final season, aka book three: Fire, and it’s just fantastic. Today we did a six episode marathon, and it was excellent. The writing of the show has never ceased being impressive. There’s never a moment where the characters break. You don’t get gratuitous moments just for the sake of having them. Everything has a purpose and so far, ever twist and turn has been gripping and beautifully done. The animation is stellar, and the comedic timing is just pristine. This series is truly a masterpiece. It’s unfortunate we’re five episodes from the end. Like with any good series, it’s sad to say goodbye to characters that you really love. It’s like saying goodbye to family. This is a series I need to own.
Car Washing
Chris used a term “we” today in referring to his plan to wash his car. He was very consistent in doing so. I assumed he meant that he thought we should clean our cars together. So we did, and let me tell you, we did a very thorough job. It included vacuuming, interior surface cleaning, armor all, then an exterior wash, dry, window glass cleaning, and a waxing. Chris’ car is new. So the wax brought out a beautiful shine. My car is going on ten years old. The paint job has dulled due to neglect…what can I say, I’m not much for spending time with my car other than driving. So I bought some extra strength wax to restore luster to neglected surfaces. It took a while, but after several coats and some elbow grease, the shine is starting to come back. It’s going to take a few more washes and deep scrubs to get it back to decent, but it’s on its way. It was a lot of work, and overall…we probably spent four hours working on it. Oh…and we managed to burn out Chris’ vacuum. It was 10 dollars from the Hope Gospel mission…no big loss. Neat cloud of smoke it produced though.
Website Updates
No surprise the website updates are coming along slower than expected. I’ve got a bunch of transcendingproductions.com up, but I’m still working on the content. Plus I have to figure out how I’m going to load the content into the main display portion of the site. I’m not sure if I want to do it completely dynamically, or if I want to do static pages. I’m leaning towards static pages that pull from ajax calls. We’ll see. Hopefully by the end of the week I’ll have both done.
Dart Board
On a minor note, Chris and I went to a garage sale across the street this week. Unfortunately, they lied and the garage wasn’t for sale. However, there were some great deals on other stuff there. Namely…we found an unused electronic dart board for five dollars. I was excited! I always wanted a dart board. Immediately I set about hanging it. Just to test it, we hung it on a screw that was already in the wall. I won both games. Haha. I’m sure there will be many rematches though.
Anyway, after that, I set about hanging it in a space that doesn’t have a table in the way. I followed the instructions to a tee. They said regulation is to have the center of the bullseye at 5′8″ off the ground. The top screw was to be at 65 and three quarter inches with the bottom screw at 50 inches. I measured and got it set up just right. Oddly it seemed a bit low. So I measured…sure enough, the bullseye was at 4′10″. It was way off. I double checked my measurements and they were exact on to the instructions. So I googled it, and the regulation measurement was right. The instructions for hanging were ten inches off. I was so upset! I e-mailed them to fix the problem. In the meantime, I had already set the anchors in the wall. So, I had no choice but to drill new holes and just use the screws alone. It’s all set now at the regulation height. What an annoyance those directions were though!
Sleepeh Kittehs
It’s been a regular event since I moved in with Chris to have a kitten cuddle up under the covers with me when I go to sleep. For the bulk of the duration of me writing this post, I had Scarlet curled up on my chest purring away. She’s since moved to just next to me by my right leg, and Meat, aka my black kitty, is curled up on the same side just off my hip. Both are out like a light. That’s where I should be right now too. I think I will too. Sweet dreams everyone. I hope you have dreams of love and happiness.
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05.27.09
Posted in Goals, Money, Movie Review, Web Design at 12:31 am by janiukjf
You know…Chippewa Falls can be a little creepy at night. Last night I drove home from Chris and Lot’s house (not the same Chris that is my roommate). They live on Lake Wissota…yes yes…the lake that Jack mentions in Titanic (a little trivia…Lake Wissota is man made and wasn’t built until 1917, five years after the Titanic sunk). Anyway, this area is pretty rural, and I couldn’t help but think of the film A Fire in the Sky on my drive home. It was the first time I’d made that drive without Chris in the car (this time the Chris that is my roommate). So yeah…a little creepy.
Anyway, Chris and I were invited to a cookout for Memorial day. It was a lot of fun except for the fact that Chris had gotten pretty sick on Sunday, which I mentioned in my previous entry. He seemed pretty decent most of Monday, but as the evening wore on, things went downhill for him. He went home early. I stayed and played Volleyball. I also got to spend some quality time with Chris and Lot in their hot tub. It was nice to get to know them more. They’re very nice people.
Today it was cold in the house. Don’t tell Chris, but I ran the furnace while he was out at work. What can I say? It was 55 outside and rainy. He had all the windows open. It was 65 and dropping inside. I had to spend my day in my office taking care of a bunch of things, and I was going to freeze. I needed the heat.
Finally I think I’ve taken care of everything I need to with the move. We’ve got the art on the walls, boxes unpacked, etc. The only thing I had left were the tedious things like changing addresses with everything, updating which accounts billing came out of, and so forth. I spent a lot of time on the phone figuring out what bills I needed to pay left over from my old place. I’m grateful that’s all done now. Plus, I finally got my new check card and checks. So I have access to my money again. Yay!
Tomorrow is web design day. I plan on getting Transcending Productions’ website updated with new content and some actual info about what I do. Then I will update jessicajaniuk.com afterwards. I hope I can do both of those in one day without burnout. I think I can. We’ll see I guess. Wish me luck!
Oh…Chris and I watched as much of Clerks as we could tonight. I’ve never seen it before, and I really don’t understand why it has such a following. It’s boring as hell. The acting is not great. The writing is terrible…people don’t talk like that at all in reality. There were a few moments that Chris and I laughed at. I’m sorry if it bothers people, but neither of us liked the film. We stopped it a third of the way in. We gave it a fair shot, but if a movie isn’t doing anything for you after a third of it…it’s probably not going to get any better.
We followed that up with the first two episodes of season 3 of Avatar: the Last Airbender and that was fantastic. That series has such charm to it. Chris and I had to pause the second episode because we were both laughing too much. Aang is going to a local fire nation school, and makes mention of a portrait he got of the fire lord. He then randomly follows that up with “…and here’s one I made out of noodles.” It’s funny because it’s so true…and we weren’t expecting it at all. Love it! Such a great show. I should own it at some point.
Anyway, I’m off to sleep. Hopefully I don’t have major tornado, nuclear, or other disaster related dreams tonight like I did last night. Sweet dreams all!
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05.24.09
Posted in family at 11:00 pm by janiukjf
Sunday was a lazy lazy day, and I enjoyed it. I didn’t get out of my pajamas until 7:00 in the evening. Chris and I spent the day playing Boom Blox: Bash Party, which was recently released. I can sadly admit, I played it for a good five hours. It’s a puzzle game that you can easily lose track of time playing.
Chris is sick. He was starting to feel it yesterday, and it seemed to hit hard today. So, he was napping a lot. I did most of the party cleanup because of that. I’m totally ok with that. He said he felt guilty for not helping, but I know that if it was me that was sick, he would have cleaned things up too. So he shouldn’t feel bad. There were a ton of dishes. I miss my dishwasher.
When I finally put down boom blox, we popped in Frost / Nixon. I listened to the first portion of it while I did the dishes. Once they were done, I sat down and took in the end. What an incredible film. Frank Langella deserved the Oscar nomination he got for the film. I haven’t seen Milk yet. So I can’t exactly compare performances, but this was definitely impressive.
Our refrigerator has been smelling something fierce. It reeks badly of wet dog…or should I say…it did. I’ve seemingly fixed it without trying. Apparently the fridge had a water line attached prior to being used in our house. It has an automatic ice maker in the freezer. I switched it on to see what would happen, and it would appear the stagnant water that was left in the line got pumped through. Now the smell is gone. Chris and I are thrilled! It was getting unbearable.
Tonight, Chris and I sat in the living room after our day of relaxation and just talked. It felt different and wonderful that we were both in the living room of our house…something we’ve never had before. It feels like this is the way things are supposed to be. Yet its still surreal. I live in a house with my best friend. We have a yard. We have a garage. We have a garden. This is strange! Haha. I like it a lot.
The future is looking up. I leave you with a lol I created yesterday. Enjoy!
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Posted in Movie Review, family, friends at 2:43 am by janiukjf
It’s almost 3:30 in the morning, and I just felt this lingering need to blog before passing out for the night…morning…whatever. Saturday night we had people over. Chris has had monthly “board game” nights for the past six months or so, and people have raved about how fun they are. So, we were bound to have one here. Honestly, I had a lot of fun.
We played two games. The first is a long time favorite of mine called “Lunch Money”. The premise is that you are elementary age school girls beating each other up for their lunch money. It’s a lot of fun to play, though obviously violent. We had a blast. After that, we played Pit, which is a trading game much like the stock exchange. It went on for a while, and people’s voices started to go from all the yelling. It was a ton of fun though. Chris’ friend, Greg, was the come behind winner in the end.
After the games, we felt like watching a movie. So we watched “Hellboy 2: the Golden Army”, and it was fantastic. I have to say, it beats the first film of the two easily. Guillermo Del Toro is a fantastic director and was able to meld action, story, and humor perfectly. It was a good story with great characters. It also had a very satisfying last shot. I recommend it.
My only disappointment with tonight is that it felt more like Chris’ party with Chris’ friends. A lot of my friends in town are older with families. So, they’re not the type to come to a party like this. Plus, I was the only girl. It seemed a little heavy on the testosterone. I hope that the balance changes soon and we get more diverse groups.
We spent today cleaning in preparation for our guests. It was a good blitz because we got so much taken care of that needed it. Chris vaccumed like crazy. I cut the grass for the first time. We also have had a major dandelion problem. So I also spread some week killer / grass fertilizer. I started turning over the garden. We got the dishes done, bathrooms clean, and even hung my art. I feel like we’re totally settled in now. That feels really great.
I have to say, I feel incredibly relieved now that I have money in a bank account again. I know I need to find employment, because freelance just isn’t going to cut it. I’m looking forward to finding a place that I can help out, and that can truly help me too. I really want to take my skills to the next level.
I also have to say…since I’ve moved in with Chris, I’ve not had one day where I’ve felt lonely. I haven’t had nights where I’m just sitting and staring at my computer screen wondering what to do with myself either. We’ve consistently had something fun to do. Granted I was still moving in during that time, but even so, it’s been nice to have someone there. So far so good on the move.
Anyway, tomorrow may be a relaxation day. We might work on the garden. We bought seeds for vegetables. So hopefully we can get it into shape before its too late. I better get to sleep so I’m not exhausted all of Sunday. Good night all!
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05.21.09
Posted in Employment, Uncategorized, family, work at 11:35 pm by janiukjf
It’s been a busy week and a half. Finally things are settling down. So…my last post was on the 11th at 10:20 in the morning. At about noon, my friend Adam, my friend Jackie, and my father arrived at my apartment to load up all my stuff to move in with Chris in Chippewa. We loaded things up until about 5 or 6…It might have even been later than that. I think it was 6:00ish. It took around 4 hours or so to drive there, and it was a little scary. My dad almost had a major accident. The uhaul trailer started swaying and my dad had to compensate, which resulted in swerving all over the interstate. It was a windy day. We took it slow after that. We got up there around 10:00 and unloaded very quickly. It probably took an hour to unload…maybe an hour and a half.
I spent the next few days unpacking and getting everything set. I unpack quickly. I don’t like being stuck living out of boxes for long. So I quickly got most of my stuff where it needed to be, my clothes up in the closet, and things organized. It’s nice to feel like you actually live somewhere. The only annoyance is that I didn’t have everything yet. I was constantly doing the whole…”Where is the…oh it’s in my old apartment…crap…” thing. That gets old quickly, but to be honest…I wasn’t excited about the drive. It’s a long drive and gets old.
During that time I found myself watching a lot of Mythbusters on netflix. We also got Charter cable set up with the same 10 mbps up / 1 mbps down speed as I had with Time Warner’s Road Runner in Milwaukee. I can easily say this right now. Time Warner Cable’s Road Runner beats Charter High Speed in performance, customer service, and quality hands down. Road Runner is consistently faster, has a much more solid DNS, drops out very rarely, and has no ports blocked at all. Charter is exactly the opposite. I had to figure out how to get my personal ftp server up and running on an alternate data port because of it. Tip of the hat to you, Time Warner Cable.
I also was dealing with the worry about paying my bills. I hadn’t heard anything from unemployment yet about whether I’d get benefits or not. I also had not received anything from COBRA yet. So I was having worry fits that were causing me to lose sleep. I’ll talk a little more on those issues later.
At the end of the week, it was time to head back to Milwaukee again to get the rest of my stuff, clean up the apartment, check out, and go to a birthday party. I was looking forward to the latter much more than the former stuff. The party was on Saturday. It was a surprise 60th for my Aunt. It went off without a hitch and was a lot of fun. She really wasn’t expecting it at all. I took a lot of photos.
Sunday came around, and it was time to clean and pack things up. We got to my apartment around noon and got started. There wasn’t a whole ton left, namely a bunch of boxes and a bit of loose stuff. I suppose I did have my pots and pans in the kitchen and my bedroom closet too. Still it went pretty smoothly packing the rest of it in the car. Since we had all the big stuff already moved, it wasn’t so bad. However…
Have you ever had your mother tell you: “You live in my house, you live by my rules. When you move out, you can live like you want.” Yeah, turns out that’s not true. My mother is anal retentive about cleanliness. It runs in our family actually. My grandmother had a house so clean it was practically sterile. My mom’s house wasn’t quite that clean, but still pretty sparkly. Personally, I tend to live with a more lived in feel. I want things in their place, but I don’t run around with a feather duster all the time. Sometimes there are dishes in the sink. Sometimes I leave my bed unmade. That’s my perogative…it’s my apartment, right? Nope. My mother started yelling like crazy at me for not coming down earlier in the week, packing everything up nicely and neatly for things to be very easy for her. She started calling me selfish and basically told me I needed to live differently. I was really shocked. It seemed like it randomly came out of nowhere. She was fine, and then suddenly she was angry…and it surely seemed misplaced. She had no idea how much work we put into moving a week ago, how much I had packed up before then, or how much effort I put into unpacking. On top of that, it didn’t make sense for me to come down earlier due to the party…I just didn’t see where she was coming from. I said a few things back that were, to be honest, rude. I acknowledge that. When I get frustrated, angry, and defensive, sometimes I say stupid things. We all do it. Anyway…regardless, it was drama none of us needed that day.
I talked to my dad about it later, and he informed me that he didn’t understand why she was yelling at me either. He felt that her argument was unfounded and said nothing because he didn’t want to get into it. I guess later she chastised him for not standing up for her. As far as I know…she’s still mad at me for it. She was still mad as of Wednesday. I just don’t get it. She knew I had to move. She knew why I was moving. It wasn’t a choice. I had to get out of my apartment and get someplace cheaper asap. I’ve had a lot going on in my head too. This past few months with the job and such has been really hard to manage emotionally without drama like this. My mother may be right or wrong about my being selfish. I’ll leave that up to the rest of you to decide. Still I think she was being the selfish one in being upset that I didn’t drive back earlier, miss appointments here, leave the house a mess for Chris…just so I could make my old apartment clean up easier for her. Ugh…I hope this blows over quickly.
Anyway, the apartment was cleaner when we finished than it was when I moved in. My landlord came in to look and she was blown away. If my apartment is rented for June, I will get my security deposit back. She has been so understanding of everything, which I so very much appreciate. I would be happy to rent from them again, and she said she’d rent to me any time. That’s good news.
The hard part was that we had two vehicles filled. I was going to have to drive to Chippewa with my parents’ van, unload, drive back to my hometown near Milwaukee, swap to get my car again, and then drive back…all in all it totalled about 10.5 hours in the car over three days. I wasn’t looking forward to it. Surprisingly, it went by pretty quickly. When you have a lot to do, time flies. So, Monday came, and I drove up to Chippewa. I unloaded…got as unpacked as I could by Tuesday evening. Then I drove back to Milwaukee. I stayed overnight. Turns out at my favorite bakery, Kaiser’s Six Point Bakery in West Allis, I had won the weekly business card drawing for a dozen free donuts. I also had to pick up some tapes for some freelance work. So I made the last trip with a lot of sugar on hand.
Here we are now…it’s Thursday evening, or Friday morning depending on how you look at it, and I’m as unpacked as I’ll ever be. There are a bunch of empty boxes in the garage. I feel like that’s pretty good all things considered. There’s a little bit of junk lying around I need to put in places, and I haven’t yet hung artwork. But otherwise, things are good.
The cat situation is interesting. We’ve got four cats here now…my two and Chris’ two. They are doing just fine with a couple exceptions. Scarlet, Kitty (aka Meat), and Vincent are getting along just fine. Serenity is Chris’ female cat, and she’s a bit of a priss. She’s not taking well to anybody. So she’s been hissing and growling all the time. She just wants to be left alone. Kitty / Meat is a problem sometimes too because he’s a bit of a pervert cat. He likes to lick girl kitties in the no-no spot. Scarlet is kinda used to it. I stop him whenever I see that, but Serenity, rightfully so, gets very upset. So…we need to figure out how to stem that behavior.
On Monday, I went to what’s called “Business After Hours”. It’s the Chippewa Chamber of Commerce meeting essentially. I went with Chris to get connected to the community of business owners for freelance and so forth. I met some great people there. Unfortunately I also saw someone I have no interest in ever seeing again. Mike Olsen, owner of Micon cinemas and former manager at Carmike cinemas in Eau Claire….also the man that severely sexually harassed me back in about 2003. I’m the reason he got fired from his job. I saw the back of his head there, and knew it was him right away. I never made eye contact. If he ever makes an attempt to talk to me, he will get a very short response and me walking away.
On the positive side, I ran into a lot of wonderful people including someone from a local business that’s hiring. She asked me what I do and upon my response, she suggested I drop my resume with them. Sounds like they are looking for someone with just my type of skills. I will be sending it to them Friday. That’s awesome. At first I wasn’t sure I wanted a full time job, but the more I think about it, it’s probably better for me to have one at this point in my career. I’ll get the non-profit going as a side project.
Thursday night, Chris and I went to help the local Lions Club out with feeding needy people at a local church. It was a feel good experience helping people who need food get it. I know I could be very close to that even right now. I may qualify for food stamps at the moment. So, it’s a humbling experience. I’m a giving person. So I would have done it anyway, but still.
While there, one of the lions asked me what I do, and I explained that I’m funemployed. I did tell him what I do freelance and what I want in a job. He told me to come pick up an application at his printing company. He could use a web designer. I was pretty surprised. Two job leads in a matter of days. People have said that things happen for a reason. This job change and move seem like they definitely were supposed to happen the way they are. That’s good and makes me feel a lot better.
Speaking of feeling a lot better, I finally got word from the unemployment office. I am officially getting unemployment. What a relief! That means I can survive while things get figured out as to where I’m going next. I can easily say I’ll sleep better tonight knowing my bills will be covered. I also finally received COBRA paperwork. So I’ll be fine with health insurance too. Both are great news. To top that all off, I saw a Bald Eagle flying over the Chippewa River today as we drove through town. What a stunning sight! I’ll be sure to have my camera out a lot this summer to try to catch them in action.
In the meantime, I’ll be working on getting the new site live over the course of the coming week. Now that I’ve gotten settled in, I should have plenty of time to do so. Keep watching for that change. As usual, thanks for reading!
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