So this past week was….interesting to say the least. Elections were held Tuesday night for the LGBT on campus. I was elected Vice President of the group. So now I have a ton of responsibility. I don’t mind so much. I know I can handle it, but still, it’s a bit intimidating. I’m glad I didn’t get president though. That would have been too much. At least I have my experienced, good friend Chris as president to work with. That will make it a good time.

Wednesday was LGBT panels in the psych 100 classes. So, I got to do two of them, but they ran all day. For the most part, they all went really well. We got a lot of good questions, and the response was mostly positive. The only real negative one I experienced was in the last five minutes of the second panel I did. This one boy had a disgusted look on his face after we all had told our stories and answered questions. He asked us “So do you actually believethat what you’re doing is moral?” Then, SNAP, we all went into defense mode. It was obvious that this boy wasn’t listening to what we had to say throughout the panel, because he would have had is answer already if he had. His mind was so closed off. We weren’t going to get through to him. However, we still defended ourselves and at least had an impact on the other fifty people in the room. We actually had several people come up and thank us for coming. That was impressive. I didn’t expect them to do that. It didn’t bother me that this person had their own opinion, it was the fact that the comment was so accusatory and so negative. It wasn’t even a question really. It was more of just an insult. We had many people throughout the day question us about religion, but none were as harsh as this one person. Needless to say, most of us were upset about it. It bothered me throughout the rest of the day.

So, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it before, but I’ve been kinda been getting to know this girl, Leslie, in the group. Over the past few weeks, we’ve been getting a little closer. Well this past week, we got very close. We saw each other everyday from Tuesday to Friday for some reason or another. We did a lot of things in groups and watched a lot of movies. It was fun. We cuddled a lot, which is something I missed quite a bit. I really have no idea what’s going to happen between us though. It really seems that we are uncomfortable with each other. I’m not really sure exactly why yet, but I think I know why I am. I have certain things about my current body that make me very self conscious. Considering she’s a lesbian, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s uncomfortable with it too. I’m not really sure if I’m really ready to date just yet. We’ll see. I’m in no hurry. Time to go. Class in five minutes. Bye.

Luv,

Jess

Wow, a post finally got a response from people. That’s great. I never even gave thought to my phrases that I say like “I wanted to kick him” or such could be taken until reading that. When I say it in person, people understand I mean that it’s just really frustrating. I’m not a violent person, but now I realize I need to stop using those words. In fact I feel incredibly stupid for not noticing before. So yeah, thanks for pointing that out.

It’s very good to know other people’s perspectives. Yes, gay in the dictionary does mean happy. However, the comment “That’s gay” is always used negatively. I’ve never heard someone say “That’s Gay” after getting an A on a paper or getting someone’s number. So it’s obvious they don’t mean that definition. The phrase stemmed as a negative connotation to the gay community. And even though someone may not intend to mean “that’s homosexual”, it still passes on the negative use of that word, which most people attribute to the gay population. With that in mind, it’s no surprise that a queer individual is going to be offended by it despite it’s intent. Just be aware of that when you think about using that phrase the next time.

As far as calling someone mean…I don’t think that makes me a hypocrite. People can easily be mean in this world, and my parents both frequently agree with me that my sisters are mean fairly often. I actually had a discussion about it with my mother that Saturday morning of Thanksgiving weekend after my sister made several insulting comments and then left. She definitely intended them as such as well. Trust me, my sister can be mean.

The whole blonde thing….the point of that comment was to suggest that there are phrases out there that she may have been called that could possibly have offended her in the same way. Now…stupid me forgot that she had only dyed her hair blonde a while ago…so I guess the comment doesn’t even work for that point (Sorry Angela). But it’s just another example of a phrase that can be used to offend another person, even if it’s intended to be a joke. The way I phrased it didn’t send that meaning across though, so I apologize for that.

I want to point out though, that the purpose of a diary is to get emotions out. I write in this thing so that I can vent some of the feelings I have. By putting this diary online, I am sharing with everyone how I feel and what I think. I’m very much open to criticism and such, so feel free to comment, but ultimately the purpose of this diary is for me. I am a nice person. Some have said I’m too nice, which can be a problem sometimes. I take a lot of shit from people during the day, and I don’t let it show, if I can. So when I write on this, it’s so I can get those frustrations out. I try really hard not to write things that can be taken the wrong way and such, but we’re all capable of slipping up. And that’s one of the purposes of these comments, to point out one of those mistakes. I’m very happy to see that people are commenting. It’s a sign that some of these topics mean something to people. I’m hoping to see more of it. I’m not always going to write a commentary explaining myself, because I shouldn’t have to.

Anyways, thanks to all the readers for the comments. Keep it up, it does help me to change to become a better person, and I hope it helps others too. I’m going to go eat lunch now, but I have a post about my life coming later tonight. So see ya soon.

Luv,

Jessica